Better Writing Day 2~ a paragraph

Well, today's challenge is simply to write a paragraph or post. The idea is that the first draft isn't something that is supposed to be perfect, or it wouldn't be called a draft. So this paragraph will be reworked as we go further into the 31 days. I had a hard time thinking of what to write that I hadn't written before. Do I tell a story? Share some random thoughts? But here goes... I decided to pull some thoughts from my journal- definitely rough!

Psalm 37:3-4 "Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." My Bible says that 'live securely' can also be translated 'cultivate faithfulness'. Isn't that interesting? This is such a rich verse, in light of that... cultivating makes me think of gardening... to work the land, patiently turning, waiting, getting it ready to grow things, then planting and waiting again. And therein lies the faithfulness... in the waiting, staying. Dwell in the land. Abide in Him and desire the things of the Lord. I find pleasure in Him and suddenly the things my heart craves are exactly the things that He pours out on my life with great abundance. It's an amazing cycle! So the question becomes: What am I cultivating? What kind of soil am I stirring up? As I look at my days, more and more are the things God desires aligning with the desires in my heart?

some thoughts on food

Practicing love... I've been on a crazy diet. For the whole month of January. And I'm not going to go into the details here, but let's just call it Intense. (And yes, the capital 'I' is merited.) And I won't even say that at the beginning I had any spiritual motives. I did not. I simply wanted to lose weight and was willing to do anything. Anything hard.

The amount of discipline required of me for more than 4 weeks was unlike anything I've ever done, or even thought I could do. But even only days in, the spiritual 'side effects' became blaringly real. There was a clarity of mind that came when suddenly I was confronted with my addiction and craving for food. And it was because in clearing out an idol I was making room. Room to love Him. And He took *His* rightful place. I didn't start my journey to find Him even more, but I quickly realized that my perspective had been misshapen.

So as the days passed, the cravings became Him. His Word. His work in my life. And suddenly I'm training with the hard discipline of an athlete. I was hungry. Practicing love becomes true love when I put my flesh in the grave.

"For those who live according to the flesh think about the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, about the things of the Spirit. For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set of the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:5-6

My flesh was gnawing away at my heart... and winning. So now I realize what I was missing. And this heart on fire keeps digging away at open wounds that need to be healed by some Spirit-filled-ness. And it hurts. Putting a name on sin, allowing it to be opened and scraped away by a loving God is a painful process. But He's talking, speaking volumes, and I'm listening because suddenly I can hear. Practicing love is pushing through the pain to bring Him glory.



Word.

Thrive:

To Prosper. Blossom. To make steady progress.

To grow vigorously.  Roaring.

Thrive. God’s challenge to me to live like I believe He meant what He said. Not merely surviving. Not just living. When the word first entered my brain in a journal entry, I immediately looked it up. I love the definition(s) for this word. Because I am at a point when God is daring me to stop just ‘getting by’. I think that’s an easy place for Christians to land sometimes, but I don’t want to coast.

Making steady progress… this is a year of forward motion, which I believe begins with my falling facedown to the ground. It’s funny because usually when one thinks of growth, you sort of think up and out. But in this crazy, upside-down kingdom of God, my growing depends on my getting low, my willingness to bare all my weakness and confessing that I desperately need him. And I do. In my weakness, his strength is shown all the more perfect.

So that’s it. Thrive. To not just grow, but to grow well~ to flourish. Push past these self-imposed walls and bust out with God-eyes to move and see… to feel. To become more than I could ever be alone. I'm still sort of figuring out what this will look like in action, but I can't get the word itself out of my mind. Do you have a word for 2012?

Words

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

Proverbs 16:24

Our words have amazing power, don't they? I read a blog post on this very topic the other day, and it was quite the kick in my pants... As moms especially, we have the tremendous gift to shape the little ones entrusted to us. And our words can do a lot of molding. Good and bad.

I have found myself lately annoyed at Halle's attitude. At only 3, she has a lot of sassiness that pours out of that smirked-like-her-daddy mouth, and it makes me a bit crazy. I do not like to be talked to that way! But then God turns the mirror sharply in my own direction and I see~ Her words sound an awful lot like my own. My tone on busy days can be less than sweet, and I get what I give. 

So I (again) begin carefully weighing each word. Words have the ability to scar or to shape. To build or knock down. And it is only when I am truly full of Him and His Word that I can clearly pour out Love to the ones around me.  I have begun my days praying the words of David: "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips." (Psalm 141:3) I never cease to be thankful for what the infusion of God's word can do for my days and my mouth.

Reaching

I've got to tell you friends, I'm struggling. I don't speak the words very often, but I deal with depression. Something about saying it bothers me, but it's just in my makeup. The cool thing is that my God is bigger than this dark cloud that sneaks up.

For me the weight begins to fall on my shoulders when things are good. I know this must sound contradictory, but for me it's doubt that creeps in. Right now life is pretty great. I have carefully considered and said 'Yes' to Him in so many things that my plate and my heart are full. 'Yes' to my family. 'Yes' to Hearts at Home. 'Yes' to Thirty-One. 'Yes' to being a room parent in Remy's class. 'Yes' to leading worship. 'Yes' to a missions trip to Africa. God has been gracious, and opportunity abounds at this point. But then it's in the quiet moments that the voice in my head speaks louder and says 'You can't do this'. 'You are not enough to handle all this.' 'You cannot manage your time to get this done.' And I start to believe it.

So what's a girl to do? As I was preparing for worship last week, I was practicing a song called 'As We Reach'. I think I've even mentioned it here before, but the words talk about reaching for the hem of His garment in faith for healing. I opened my Bible to the story in Mark 5 about the woman who had been bleeding for 12 years (12, can you imagine?!). She heard about Jesus and through the crowd went to him and believed that He could heal her, even if she could just touch the hem of his robe. Jesus felt the healing leave Him, called out and went to the woman. Because of her faith she was healed.

I found myself this week crying out to God, and this story spoke to me. I think because through the fog of voices, I was reaching out to Him, believing that He is the only source of healing. And at those times when I wonder why it's important to memorize scripture, I am reminded of days like these. I was rocking on my bed in the dark, crying, just begging that somehow the voices would stop. And I began to speak the truths that I know about God. I spoke of His character. I know that attributes of God and can say with confidence the way He feels about me. These words that try to weave doubt into my soul may at times sound to me like His voice, but I know the way He loves me. I know who He says I am. And I know the love He has for me. When those things don't match up, I can say without a doubt that this darkness isn't from Him. And my soul is comforted.

So that's where I'm beginning this week. I don't mean to start on such a low, but truly it's not. It's about the Hope that I have... knowing that He will remain unchanged as the One who loves me beyond my wildest dreams. And He loves you this way, sweet things!! I pray that you will walk in that Hope today!

Two Roads

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 


I woke up this morning with this poem echoing in my mind. I have thought of it often, and I still even recite it with distinct breaths and breaks pounded into my eighth grade brain by Mr. Elderidge. Two roads. And while for me this poem now means something different, when faced with choices of any kind I picture these two paths. In my adult life I have always taken the less traveled. The path of Jesus. No crossroads in this journey has been without risk, though I haven't looked back.


This morning I am facing a new kind of fork in this road. Neither path means choosing less of Jesus and more of anything. Just differences that can accompany a journey when taking a new road. I think of the leaves freshly covering the two paths, and I search for prints left by Jesus, and at this moment I'm certain He has left his mark for me to follow either way. Life has a way of twisting and turning, and sometimes I really think either path can be the one. There are so many good things... My difficulty lies in discerning at this moment, for this time, which is His best for me and which is His 'not right now'. Does that make sense?


I'm thinking as I type that this is sounding way more dark than it is... just wondering how y'all hear God's voice. Do you have a certain Bible verse you go to when making a decision?  Do you lock yourself in your 'prayer closet' for hours? (Now I'm really drawing on my southern roots for that analogy!) Robert Frost truly isn't who I consult for making decisions, just love this poem and the pictures it paints. I am actually feeling quite giddy with excitement at the plans He has for me. (Remember yesterday?) He has always been so gracious to allow this girl so much room to be inspired, teach others, and grow along the way... can't wait to see what's next!

Calling

Want to know God's calling on your life? I can tell you! (Sounds like the crazy beginning to an infomercial, doesn't it?!) Love God. Go & Love Others. Make Disciples. Sound over-simplified? Because I don't really think it is... this is what He's called each and every one of us to. (Check out Matthew 22: 37-38 and Matthew 28: 19-20) And what I'm realizing is that we (totally speaking to myself here!) spend so much time pacing the floor begging God to reveal His 'calling' to us, that it's just like shuffling our feet ignoring what we know He wants us to do. This is it!

Now 'how' we do this is as wide and varied as a day is long... but I'm beginning to think that even that isn't as tough as I make it. What has he made me gifted in and passionate about? In my case, I have a deep passion for ministry with mothers. So it's pretty natural that I am going to lean towards doing life with other mommas. That's why I teach the Bible with a group of local moms, and that's why I'm going to Uganda & Ethiopia next year, to love on some sweet babies and their families.

What I'm also realizing is that in this process of doing life and growing with God, I end up serving others in the places of my deepest need for work and healing. The healing begins and continues when I pull from my pain and weaknesses to help others. I can speak to areas that affect other moms because I've walked through them. Paul said to the Corinthian church (2 Cor. 12:9-10) "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." I most often talk with other women about their struggles with hurt, self-image, forgiveness issues, and in walking with them through their pain, God brings healing even to my own heart. It's amazing that God can use our challenges this way, but when He is glorified all the more, why would I mask the things that show Him stronger?

This question of calling is perhaps the one that I have most often heard in Christian circles and have most often asked myself. But I truly think I was over-complicating something that God has made pretty clear. And the things in me that are part of who I am are exactly the keys to figuring out the 'how'. So how has He wired you? What are you passionate about? Do you find that the ways in which you feel led to serve are also the things that are the most healing for you? I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Keep in Mind

Some scenes from our backyard... One of my favorite moments came Wednesday while the littles were playing in the sandbox. We had added water to the box for the day, and I was delighted to hear that they were 'digging wells for kids in Chad'. 

I am passionate about instilling a global worldview in these sweet little ones God has entrusted into my care. I know I've written about it before, but I am often asked about how we do this, especially in a way that doesn't drive them nuts. You know, like in the way they ask to watch a show 'that doesn't want them to learn something'. Um yeah, Remy said this once, so I get it...

I've got to say that I really take Deuteronomy 6:6-9 to heart. These verses talk about living God's Commandments. Verse 7 says 'Impress them upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.' Conversation in our house just includes missions. Whether it's reading 'Window on the World' at dinner, which is more deliberate, or just pointing out a different way that people live on a show on tv. These littles things add up!

I once took a missions seminar, and I'll never forget the teacher saying that 'missions-minded families eat rice'. So we've just begun having simple suppers of rice and vegetables. A bonus is that it is a super inexpensive meal, but the real payoff is that this out-of-the-norm meal for us brings some great conversation about God's children all over the world. Some research says that nearly half of the world's population eats rice 2-3 meals a day!!

 There are many, many resources online, books, etc. that talk about ways to help families see the world outside of their own, and we are just at the tip of figuring out what works for our family. But I love the things I see occurring already. And I must say that while these things are great in my kids, they have also done wonders for my own heart.

So what do you do in your house? I would love to glean more ideas from you about how you help engage your family to see the world around them!

Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

Child of God

Hi, sweet things! If you knew how many posts I have in the 'drafts' stage, you would die. But I feel like each time I try to crank a post out, I have felt that God just wants me to be still. To soak in His word. And to be taught. So while it's quiet on this page, there is so much going on in my heart that I can't even begin to tell you.

I've been trying to get my mind and my pen to work together to come up with some things to say about my trip to Florida, but it's been slow going. (And yes, I do actually write everything down with an actual pen in a journal before it goes online... I'm old school like that!) I want to honor God and the miraculous things he allows me to witness, and choosing my words thoughtfully and carefully is a necessity. I owe him that.

But as Father's Day came and went last Sunday, I have been constantly singing a particular song. It's by Kathryn Scott, I think, and we used to sing this one in the days before Trace and I got married... its words never cease to bring me to my knees. I take such comfort in the love of God as my Father and am beginning to see that its in learning to receive his love as my Father that I am better able to love those around me. Don't we so often put unreal expectations on the ones around us? Once I lay my expectations in the only hands big enough to hold them, I am much less likely to be disappointed by the humans I dearly love on this earth. Anyway...

Child of God
With every breath, with every thought
 From what is seen, to the deepest part
I offer all that I've come to be
To know your love, fathering me


Father, you're all I need
My soul's sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
Your arms enfold me,
Til I am only a child of God


With every step on this journey's walk
And wisdom's songs that my soul has sought
I give myself unreservedly 
To know your love, fathering me


Father, you're all I need
My soul's sufficiency

My strength when I am weak

The love that carries me

Your arms enfold me,

Til I am only a child of God

Thanks, friends, for being patient in my quiet here. I just feel like God is requiring my to be a good steward of my time. And if he says to bathe in his word, I want to do that. So know that I am learning and writing tons of things that I think he'll bring out on these pages... just not now, not yet. Love you bunches!!

Distance

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect." 

1 Corinthians 15:10

I wish I could introduce you to my teenage self. The girl who struggled to keep up with the Joneses, the girl who used to wear nothing but high-end designer clothes and buy $20 lip gloss, the girl who choked in the bathroom to rid herself of a few extra calories... I wish so many could see the old me. And not to glamorize where I came from, but to show you the distance God's brought me. I love that verse for his grace truly has had such great effect!

Recently our church has been making some big changes, and as the wife to someone on staff there, there has been this feeling that it must be easy for me. That going out and serving, tithing, feeding the homeless, that these things must be natural for me. Oh, sweet friends, that couldn't be further from the truth. I must admit that before I whole-heartedly told Jesus that he could have all of me, I held on with tight fists. I was terrified of speaking with strangers and about sharing what's in my heart. This new, Jesus-in-me stuff, is my adapted personality, but definitely not my natural one. And there are days when the old me, the easier to be me, comes right back to the front line.

But God has not called us to be our natural selves (and thank goodness, because my natural self is pretty ugly!). We are not called to be comfortable but rather to stir in our seats until we can sit no longer and must jump up in action. Hebrews 12:1 calls us to 'throw off everything that hinders', and in Ephesians Paul says 'to put off your old self... and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness'. Do you hear those words? It's an action! It is something that we have to do. Every. Single. Day. It isn't some magic trick, but instead it's us making a conscious decision to throw away the things we used to be!!

And herein lies the miracle~ God can use you, whoever you are, wherever you're at. I just got the feeling this morning that someone reading this, one of you sweet girlies, needs to know that it's not at all just for the crazy hippie missionaries. You in the trenches, up to your elbows in dish water, play-doh, and dirty diapers~ your ministry is here. You who are still wondering what it is that God has in store for you, you are in the midst of His great mission! We are in this together and up to our necks!!

I firmly believe that often it's simply our willingness that he requires. Obedience sometimes means just letting go, saying yes, and waiting to see what you're obeying. God can take a girl who never wanted any of this 'ministry stuff' and turn my world so upside down that I can't not be completely in love with the amazing God who just knocked me off my feet. The day I said 'I'm all in' was a day that I think Jesus sighed a bit and said 'finally. Now I can begin.' I have days that I'm at home, sweeping floors and putting away toys, and in the midst of that seemingly mundane moment, God reveals some bit of his grace. And ministry isn't some grand thing but rather in that moment it's my palms simply facing up to catch that beauty he's handing me. It's there amongst the Polly Pockets.

I truly didn't mean for this to become a sermon, but I'm sure you've gathered that I'm definitely preaching to myself here. Some days I want to wear my old self like a comfy pair of yoga pants. But I'm learning to again lift up my eyes and hands to the One who fills me up and again say 'I'm all in. I want it all.' And he is gracious to give without holding back.

You Can Have Me

Heard this song by Sidewalk Prophets yesterday on the way to the grocery store and scribbled the lyrics that I could remember as soon as I parked just so I wouldn't forget. (Am I the only brain-challenged crazy person that does this?! Please reassure me that the rest of you are as forgetful as I am...) This is an amazing anthem, and a great thing to think about as the Church.

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life 

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me 

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering
I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

My heart breaks when I realize that Jesus' love isn't changing me some {most} days. At what point did I become unmoved, unconsumed by his grace? After writing down these lyrics, there was a momentary torrential rain that lasted only seconds, and while at first I was a bit annoyed (getting two littles into the store), it hit me that it only takes a second. It only takes one moment for me to forget who I am and Whose I am. I pray to be moved. To be consumed.

*As a p.s., it unnerves me that every time I try to type the word 'consumed', my hands automatically type 'consumer' and I have to fix it... telling, isn't it?!

One of Those...

Yesterday was one of those days... I know you know the ones. I woke up tired, wasn't feeling all that great, the littles didn't seem to want to listen, and the coffee maker broke. I know, that last thing is a big one. In truth, it's been on its way out for about a week, but I have been in denial. A broken coffee maker isn't something easily acknowledged to this coffee addict, but a new coffee maker isn't quite in the budget either. So I was at an unusual crossroads... what to do at 7 in the evening when I just needed a cup. So here is what I came up with:

AND IT WORKED!!!

 All I did was take an empty glass jar and put a coffee filter and coffee on the top, fastened with the ring-thingy (that's the technical name, right?!). Then I poured hot water slowly into the top. The pouring part took a while because I was trying to avoid an overflow, but the wait time was well worth it. The coffee tasted amazing, and Remy was completely amazed at our little 'Little House' experiment.

I was then reading a post about God speaking through His word, and Jen talked about Psalm 121.  I love this Psalm. In my Bible I've penned 'Remy & Halle's Psalm' across the top of this one because I often whisper this sweet song in the darkness as they sleep or quietly speak it to scared little ones in the night. It reminded me that even in my crazy days God is with me. And seriously, who am I kidding about rough days?! My broken coffee pot and moments of parenting stress are fleeting and trivial... But regardless, my God is the same.

Psalm 121
I lift my eyes up to the hills- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip- he who watches over you will not slumber,
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

So I enter into this weekend in gratefulness. I am thankful that in my broken-pot-moments, God is never sleeping, never taking his eyes or his hand from me. 'Loving God loving me... is that selfish? He loves you too, you know, As do I, sweet lovelies! Hope you're weekend is full of things you love!

Sow Love

I was reading this post the other day called 'One Better', and the concept really took me sort of captive. I encourage you to read the whole post, but the quote that had the most take away for me was this: "It’s hard to do everything, but it isn’t hard to just do one better. " True, isn't it? God is calling us even in the midst of difficult moments to try harder. To do one better. I have many moments when I feel like giving up because I can't move mountains, and this isn't necessarily what God is asking me to do. But as Jesus shapes and refines my heart, as I take in His words and trust Him that He is working in me to make me more like Him, I can do more. I can do one better.

Let me illustrate how I am thinking here... My Halle is prone to waking up between 3 and 4 in the morning. Almost every morning. The sweet little thing can't tell time, so some mornings it's just 'Is it time to get up yet?' and others, like last night, it's that in waking up, her diaper has soaked her bed. I am tired. And other than for the Royal Wedding, I do not usually want to get up at 3am. Last night, as I heard that precious voice from across the hall I didn't have warm fuzzy feelings. But I heard God say 'Sow Love'. He was telling me that even at 3am, I had a choice to make. I could silently rush through the motions of changing her jammies and sheets, or I could do one better and show my girly the love of Jesus. Before my bare feet hit the cold floor I had determined to do the latter. I walked into her dark room to see the smile of a two year old who was genuinely excited to see me. I grabbed a clean diaper and baby lotion, changed her and gave her a massage before putting clean pajamas on her. I asked her to be my helper and change the sheets with me~ something she loves but makes the job take twice as long as when I do it myself.  I tucked her in underneath fresh covers, and as I kissed her soft cheek, she whispered 'Thank you for saving me'.  She fell asleep quickly, knowing that I love her.

When I woke up this morning, I was reminded of how Mother Theresa said that 'We cannot do great things, only small things with great love.'. I love that! It takes some the pressure off from trying to attain some perfect ideal, and at least in my life, allows me to embrace who God is making me in each moment. We are often faced with a choice to make, and I am finding that I am (ever so slowly) taking the high road more often. I encourage you, as did the author of the original post, to try it... I am amazed at how this concept is changing me.  Happy Tuesday, Lovelies!

Wednesday Wish List

You can find this print here.

Several holiday seasons ago I had a recurring Wednesday post here, in which I highlighted my favorite handmade finds of gift ideas for friends & family. Well, as priorities have changed, so have the things that I am wishing for... I am thanking Him today that as all things become new, my heart changes and I find myself dreaming less about stuff (because it's not mine!!) and dreaming more of things that will make my heart happy and more like the heart of Jesus. Hallelujah for growth, right?! Even if it is inch by tiny inch...

So here is my question for you today~ What do you dream about? In quiet moments between you and a listening Saviour, what do you find yourself asking Him to allow you to fulfill?

This is Katie Davis, who founded Amazima Ministries in Northern Uganda. Awesome, AWESOME ministry!

I have two that come up quite often, if not several times a day. The first is to be a missionary in Africa, specifically Uganda. I really do believe and try to live out that we are all missionaries in our current context, but going to Africa and serving children there is something that I can't get out of my head or my prayers. Often I plead with God to make a way for this to happen, whether it be for short or long term. And I absolutely know that it would take an act of God to make this come to fruition because logistics (the littles, time, money, etc.) make it impossible to carry out on my own.

The second dream of mine is to write. This blog is a place I write some, but I literally have volumes of journals and loose sheets of paper that are never seen. I pray that God would see fit to use my words, inspired by Him, to further the kingdom... to teach... to help someone find Him. My deepest struggle is also tied to this one because I never want to do anything with a heart that is less than pure in it's intention. I don't want to make a name for myself! "He must become greater, I must become less." (John 3:30) weighs heavily on my heart daily.

So what do you wish for? What are the {seemingly} far off things that you would love to see happen in your life? I would love to hear from you, lovelies!

Abandon

In my journaling and study recently, God keeps prompting me with this word: Abandon. It sounded sort of daunting at first... my mind goes to abandoned houses, things left behind, my teenage years... So many things that prompt me to fear what He's telling me. But I press in, because I truly believe that knowing what God has to say to me is worth it.

I'm still diving into Luke 9:57-62, which in my tried and true NIV is a section entitled "The Cost of Following Jesus". This text is about living radically, and Jesus calls us to give up comforts, agendas, and even our yesterdays. His call is to stop hanging on to the things that keep us tethered to this place and to look forward to his Kingdom. I was also reading in Hebrews, and chapter 11 verses 8-10 talks about the faith and obedience of Abraham. It says "he lived in tents... For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God." I was thinking about his 'tents' as it pertains to my own 'abandon'. God was his permanent city, so he lived in a temporary home on earth. 

I have to abandon my roots in the ground, my hands clinging to stuff because it's not mine. And it's not permanent.  1 John 2:17 says "the world and its desires pass away...". Then yesterday I came upon this quote by Jean Nicolas Grou, and this idea of abandon in a more figurative way came to mind again.

"When in his mercy God leads a soul in the higher path of sanctification, he begins by stripping it of all self-confidence, and to this end he allows our own schemes to fail, our judgement to mislead us. We grope and totter and make countless mistakes until we learn wholly to mistrust ourselves and to put all our confidence in him."

This quote reminded me just how temporary it all is.  And that the only way in which we can be left not grasping at straws is if we remain tied to the only One who has roots enough to hold us. God wants to strip me of everything that ties me to this world, to myself even, and admit that apart from Him I can do nothing!  I am reminded of Jesus speaking in John 15 of the vine and the branches. So what am I clinging to? What am I confident in that is temporary and will keep me from being truly rooted in the Vine? Is it my kids? My voice? My checkbook?

Praying today to learn to let go... and that you who are on this journey with me will too if you need to. Is this lesson just for me?

He Sees.

Some days I struggle to see God. Not because life is terrible, but rather the opposite. Life is comfortable, and I don't need Him like I do on really rough days.

Some days I don't know what to read in my Bible.

On rough days I just want my mom. Just to talk. Just to sit down and laugh while my kids act silly. Just because when she's here I'm not the Mama Hen. And I can breathe.

And then I read a post like this one from Amanda at Visiting Orphans.

And I am shaken back into the uncomfortable place that I always hope to be in. The place God wants me.

Strong God Who Sees.  And thankfully He doesn't look away when I walk in the wrong direction. And His love covers all the sweet little ones who have been abandoned. His gaze holds on the ones who have been forgotten.

And His Spirit living in me prompts me to love. And to become more like Jesus. And He reminds me of the things in my life that separate me from Him. And I pray that at the end of each day I only want my Father. Because He is teaching me to see Him.

Weight

"Your eyes have seen, now you are responsible."

I received this response while I was tweeting with someone yesterday, thanking him for the recommendation to watch the documentary called 'God Grew Tired of Us'. Have you seen this? It's available on netflix... It follows of the journey of several of the Lost Boys, which is the name that has been given to the more than 27,000 boys who were displaced or orphaned during the second Civil War in Sudan, as they travelled from a refugee camp in Africa to the US for the first time. Their perspective is awesome, but it is also deeply convicting. I urge you to watch this. But don't just watch it... don't you want to do something?

If you would like more info about refugee communities near you, or ministries that work with refugees and homeless folks, Joshua Read at Ragamuffin Life (http://ragamuffinlife.org) would be a great guy to get in contact with. He's the guy that I was tweeting with, and he is allowing God to use him to do some amazing things!

I'm sure if you have read around here for any length of time, seeing the title of this post you most likely assumed it was yet another post about my struggle with my own physical weight. But today it is more philosophical. I feel this tremendous calling to DO because I know. I beg God that I will never be a comfortable Jesus-follower. And that quote from Josh is so true because Christ has given me this knowledge, this heart sensitive to His calling, and that calling is to use it~ To fulfill his commission out of love and obedience.

... But the greatest of these is Love...

I also want my children to know that it's not about me... and it's not about them! We recently found a huge world map in our basement, and we hung it on the wall in the playroom. We have just started (and I seriously mean 'just' because we're only on the first country) is using a book called 'Window on the World: When We Pray God Works'. We have some friends in Michigan who recommended this book to us, and it's a family-friendly alphabetical guide of countries around the world.  It gives some basic stats, interesting facts, and prayer requests and praises about each country. I love the section of requests and praises, because it guides us in exactly how to pray for the people there. After reading some stuff and praying, we took the littles to the playroom and found Afghanistan on the map.

Most of it is admittedly over Halle's head, but some of it is sinking in to Remy. They both love the map, and we have friends all over the world right now, so it's awesome to point out where they live, where they're from and how far it is from us. We are also going to make some arrows or something to mark different spots, like where Nthiani, our Compassion sponsored child lives.

We're trying to teach them about love by loving others, praying for others.  I would love to hear what you are doing to help your kids get outside their own world! It rocked Remy's little brain that there are kids who can't go to church, who don't have video games, and who don't eat the insane foods that we have. (The video game thing was the most amazing, but we're getting there...) 

Come As You Aren't?

Last night at Fusion (which, if you haven't been around here very long, is what our church calls small groups) we got on a topic that I have given a lot of thought. We were talking about how each of us struggles, and the sad thing is that everyone in our group agreed that at this point in America, church is the last place we feel like we can show those struggles. I think often of the story in Philip Yancey's book 'What's So Amazing About Grace' when he told a prostitute who was wanting life change that she should go to the Church, and she said 'Why would I want to go there? I already feel bad about myself.'. This is what it's become.

If anything, it should be the opposite. If there is one community I should be able to bare it all and be myself around, it should be my brothers and sisters. But strangely it's not... we come on Sunday in our 'Sunday Best', cleaned up and spotless. So I'm calling for a paradigm shift... what about our Sunday Worst? Why do we feel pressure around other believers to sweep all our brokenness under the proverbially rug?

I find it interesting that even Paul said to the Philippian church 'Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect...'. If anyone would have had grounds to appear somewhat perfect, it would have been Paul, right?!

But his transparency helps us heal. His humanness helps me to come before God just as I am and beg for change. 

So couldn't my apparent brokenness help someone else? As I thought about this last night, God was definitely speaking right at me~ especially about my kids. I am in a constant state of fear that my littles will do something crazy or offend someone on Sunday morning. But shouldn't it be that I come in with kids in tow begging that everyone would see them as they are and pray for God to mold them into the world changers they are born to be? Couldn't our community be the kind that sees an imperfect family and prays for a different heart in my kids but also in me as I teach them?

I think in the year that we have been here I've taken steps in the right direction on this one. When we first moved, my self-conscious self felt that I had to appear perfect. I was so afraid of the 'church ladies', as I call them, that I didn't want to appear as anything less than 100% in front of them. (And come on, you know every church has their group of 'church ladies'...) But who was I really fooling?! No one really is perfect, and frankly it's exhausting keeping this up when we all know that everyone else is as flawed and human as the next person. So little by little I've been making changes. I've been coming to church in whatever state I might be in. I cry during worship as I talk to God and He speaks to me. I don't always stand & sing or answer the usual 'good' when someone asks me how I'm doing.

And God is changing me for that.

Suddenly as I allow myself to be more transparent I'm becoming more keen to see others as they are. With less judgement and more prayer. More seeing a need and asking God to heal them or allow me to serve them in His name. Allowing Him to increase as I decrease (John 3:30).

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12-14

I stumbled upon this quote from Jonathan Edwards while studying Luke 15: 57-62 and was amazed by it. I have begun praying this, and I truly hope that I can begin to embrace this in my life. I am finding that day by day God is molding me and indeed claiming deep, dark places that I thought were hidden as His. Such freedom in this kind of 'slavery'. I hope it speaks to you this Monday morning!


"I have been before God; and have given my self, all that I am and have to God, so that I am not in any respect my own. I can claim no right in myself, no right in this understanding, this will, these affections that are in me; neither have I any right to this body or any of its members; no right to this tongue, these hands nor feet; no right to these senses, these ears, this smell or taste. I have given myself clear away... This I have done. And I pray God, for the sake of Christ, to look upon it as a self-dedication; and to receive me now as entirely His own, and deal with me in all respects as such; whether he afflicts me or prospers me, or whatever He pleases to do with me, who am His." ~ Jonathan Edwards

Quiet

" Be still and know that I am God"

Psalm 46:10

I am tired. I wanted you to know that I'm still here... just waiting. And I am not good at waiting. I am excited, as I said last week, to see what's next for me, for our family, but I think at this point God is just calling me into stillness. And it's hard because while I can sit and read/blog/write, I don't do the 'God wants me to just wait' kind of stillness very well. And the craziest thing is that I know personally how awesome it is to hear his voice. Isn't it strange how we can know something and yet continue to fall into old ways? (or maybe that's just me...)

So while I don't have much to say today, I thought I would share something I wrote a while back about being still. I may have shared it before, but it's a prayer I come back to when I need to remind myself just to wait.

God, how often do I forget to be still!  But you love me even then. Give me strength to exalt you, God, because sometimes I lack even that. But I love you. I praise you because in chaos or in stillness you are an Irrepressible God. An Unshakeable God. A Sweet Tender God.

Your word moves me. I fall at your feet because that is all I can do. My heart is full of your love. You fill me up and I am deeply happy. In this quietness I exalt you. My heart of loud praise shatters the silence and I can nearly hear your laughter. Because you are. And I do know. Is this the thing that in the stillness you reveal? Because my only regret is not being quiet before this moment.