Layla

My heart is heavy today, and I can't think of a thing to blog about that is light. So I will bare it here and hope you bear with me. I have followed the journey for some time now of a beautiful little girl named Layla Grace. She is only about 10 months older than Halle, so in some ways I think I have identified with her family. Layla has cancer, stage 4 high risk neuroblastoma. And right now, today, she is fighting for her little life. Last week her mother wrote a blog post on Layla's website about regrets and what she would do differently if she knew. She wrote about moments in raising her 3 children when she relished nap time and would have the thought 'if I could just get some quiet time to work'... and now her house is all too quiet. Layla is fighting but is now mostly in her bed asleep, and her mom would kill to have her sweet baby under her feet, slowing down every day activities.

I have had a huge knot in my stomach for this family. For this mom. Just the other day I was working at the table trying to balance my checkbook online, and Remy came to me asking for his milk from the fridge. I told him 'just a minute' and he said 'I promise I'll leave you alone if you will just get my cup for me'. Ugh. My heart sank as I realized that I had given my sweet angel the impression that I didn't want him to bother me. What will I regret about these days? Today I hold my littles a bit tighter. My kisses linger a bit longer. And I pray for the battle that sweet Layla is fighting and doesn't seem to be winning by our worldly standards. But she will win. And I love that her parents know this. Whether the cancer miraculously leaves her body, or her little body is healed in the arms of Jesus, she will win.

This week I have been confronted with a strange sense of emptiness in my life. I have identified with the author of Ecclesiastes when he wrote of it all being 'meaningless', and the big questions of life have been plaguing me. I have been literally in constant prayer for Layla, and I've had a hard time doing anything, as it all seems so trivial. So I have played with my kids. I let Halle 'help' unload the dishwasher even though it took twice as long as normal. I have let laundry pile up and played one more game of Cootie with Remy. And I have cried.

Sorry this isn't my typical Friday Love post, but I just don't have it in me. I hope that you will join me in praying for Layla and so many other little ones who are fighting such an awful disease.