Truly feeling it in my toes today. It's pretty deep. In giving myself permission to breathe, I think I'm feeling a bit more capable to do what God is calling me do to (though I don't claim to know exactly what that is!). A Bible Study I'm doing struck a chord this week: the author said "there is no greater risk than emptiness", and I really identified with this. I have a rooted, nagging longing to do something and a lot feel frustrated with the question of 'what?'. So I try to fill it. And typically it's filling it with good things just not necessarily things that God has called me to. There are so many good things.
But lately I've been trying to live more in the moment, letting God guide me in the daily and allowing him to be revealed through the small things as well as grandiose ones. I know especially as a stay-at-home mom, I feel like the 'dailies' just outnumber the grand~ How I love seeing God in my small stuff! This small stuff is my life, which makes it add up to a pretty big part. (Sorry if I'm talking in circles... are you hanging with me?)
I've just grown tired of trying so hard to see the BIG that I'm missing the miraculous right in front of me! So I'm taking my time again. Cruising through my days with my eyes wide open for miracles, and you know what?! I'm seeing so many! My sweet boy told me this weekend that he 'trusts God to help him not be afraid', and my curly girl knows the words to the B-I-B-L-E, complete with fist raised into the air and shouting 'Bible!' at the end. Suddenly Halle can walk down the stairs holding the railing instead of scooting, and Remy can write his name. These are my miracles!- And I'll take every one!
And on a different, sweet yet so very sad note, Layla Grace, the little girl I talked about last week with Stage 4 neuroblastoma cancer, passed away yesterday morning. I am deeply saddened, but also rejoicing that she is cancer-free and has been healed in the arms of Jesus. She has forever changed me and the way I look at life, and I think I owe a big part of how I am seeing each day to her.